Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Created

As we sit here in December, once again unemployed (a topic for another post), I am trying, desperately, to focus on the important things.  And as I have had a particularly frustrating morning with my one year old I am trying to remember all the positives about my children especially.  As I sat thinking about them I thought of some wonderful things and wanted to write them down while they sounded so nice in my head :)

A letter to my daughters,
  When I was young I always had a strong urge to create.  I longed to be more than I was.  I read, A LOT.  I wanted a life that was something out of book.  A life that was spectacular in some way, by something that I did.  A great quest was always something that sounded fabulous, not reality but fabulous all the same.  So I scaled down. 
   I thought it would be incredible to be a drawer or a painter.  Alas, I quickly found that I had no natural talent for it and no desire to learn technique for either drawing or painting.  *sigh*  I thought I could be a writer.  I wrote a few small things and even submitted one short story to a children's magazine, which was not published.  Again I found myself in world where I was okay, but not great.  *sigh*  I tried my hand at music and found a natural ability there... for  years I played the violin and truly enjoyed it.  I even sang in several choirs.  However, I was never "great" and I was not good at writing music.  So really I was an outlet and not a "creator".  *sigh, again* 
  As I got older I tried different ways of "creating".   I took a pottery class in college (looked like a fourth grader did my projects).  Then there were a few things that I enjoyed and was okay at: photography (just enough to have some great photos you girls), scrapbooking (to preserve the pictures, even if keeping up with it is nearly impossible) and crocheting.  All of these things I was fine at but my creating itch was never fully scratched and my life was still not spectacular... that is until one day I realized I had created something, done something pretty.... grand.  
Three somethings to be exact.  
I didn't do it on my own but I did a big part of it.  I created three little lives.  I carried you all, I helped to create your features, your personalities and your lives.  I was, and still am, blessed to be at home helping forge who you are.  I am helping to mold who you will be one day.  Teaching manners and life lessons of all kinds.  Kissing boo-boos and drying tears.  Helping deal with disappointments and excitements beyond your dreams.  Fostering your imaginations and helping you not to grow up too fast.  
Your lives are the stories and poems that I never wrote.  Your songs and laughter are the music I couldn't create.  Your giggles are choirs singing opuses that I couldn't fathom.  Your faces, happy, sad, angry, are paintings and drawings far beyond anything I could have imagined.  No photograph or scrapbook can replace looking at your face as we watch fireworks together on the fourth of July.  Or the pride I feel as you reach out to help someone.  Helping you through your life until you are grown is my prodigious quest.  So maybe I'm not "great".  Maybe my life isn't book-worthy.  My life may look down-right boring and trite from the outside looking in.  And while there are many thankless parts of my life, I've become what I always wanted to be.... a creator, someone who has made a mark on the world.  That mark is you.  You helped me to have the kind of life that I wanted.  Thank you, my creations, you have blessed me beyond measure.  I will strive from now on to be the best molder, forger, encourager and "creator" of your lives that I can be.  I will mess up though, so hang on.   We have a great story ahead of us.  
I love you,
Mom

Brianna, Clara and Audrey ~ Halloween 2011