Friday, January 28, 2011

Sigh

As January comes to a close I am feeling ... despondent. Not much is going on. Life is moving along and we're STILL waiting for Derek to go back to work and the numbers on the list just aren't moving much. It's discouraging as the bills pile up and the phone calls keep coming.... sigh. I feel like a sigh. I was really sure he'd be back to work by now; or at least *this close*. Sigh. Well at least taxes will be done soon and we will hopefully have some money coming back to us to help us out during this time, sigh. Money that there are 1,000,000 other things we'd rather do with it than pay bills. *Sigh* Oh well, God is providing and I am doing everything I can to be positive.

On the upside Derek and I have started working out and watching what we eat. We've already lost a couple of pounds each and I am hoping this leads to a healthier life and more fit us. :) We'll see! We took "before" pictures but we are not going to show those until we're at our "after". Wish us luck!

Not much else going on except that we went to the zoo today with my sister-in-law. It was dead and we had a great time. Here's a few choice pics :)

We found out that it is Walrus mating season. ET was very friendly with us :)

Audrey, Doc and Brianna walking along at the zoo

Red Wolf exhibit

Dwarf seahorses, only 1/4 of an inch long

One of the "baby" tigers

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Five years

I am feeling nostalgic as my little girl (who's getting to be not so little) turned five on January 11th. I remember being pregnant with her and going to find out what we were having. I so badly wanted a little girl. I prayed that God would give me just one little girl and that if this baby wasn't going to be my girl to help me not to be disappointed. I remember being SO excited when they said, "It's a girl!" Visions of pink, ruffles, lace and tutus danced before my eyes.

A little girl with brown hair and blue eyes leaped into my daydreams.

That pregnancy couldn't end fast enough from that point on. I could NOT wait to meet my little girl. The little being that changed me from just a woman to a mom.
And then I blinked...
She turned One...

...then two...

...then three...

...then four....

And now half a decade has gone by!
Audrey is getting so big. She has blossomed into this big girl who has such a big personality. She's a girly girl and at the same time loves sports and isn't a diva (unlike her sister, Brianna). She loves her friends and makes new ones all the time. She is left-handed and loves that she is unique in that way. She loves splashing in puddles and getting her hair blow-dried. She sings ALL the time making up her own soundtrack to her life. She does ballet

and wants to play softball like daddy. She is a well-rounded little girl.

She has been joined by first one sister....

Then another...

All the while growing in her ability to love others and learning how to share her life with her sisters! :)

As kindergarten approaches and I am about to become a mom of a school-aged child I am excited and scared at the same time. I know she will do well because she LOVES to learn and is usually easily liked. I know all the hard times that come with going to school though and I fervently pray that she won't be teased, bullied, picked on. That she will be confident in the beautiful wonderful person that she is on the inside. We're entering a scary new phase of life, her and I, but I know that we will do okay.

Happy 5th Birthday, Audrey. I love you more than you could ever know and that will never change!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Hair polish?

Today we went grocery shopping as a family (you know you wish you were me). It's so hard with Derek out of work and it being winter to get the kids out of the house on days we don't have something planned. However today we thought we might go crazy if we didn't get out for a while. So grocery shopping it was. We only needed a few things but it was something to do.

While at Wal-mart I remembered that we needed more body wash for the girls. So we headed over to the aisles with all the soaps and hair products. While we were walking through the aisles Brianna looks at me and says, "Mommy, do you need more hair polish?" ....................... ?
I told her that, No, I did not need more hair polish, and she was good to go. I have NO idea what she was talking about but it sure was funny.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with them and feel so inadequate to mother these little girls that have been entrusted to my care. I know I get impatient with their shenanigans and, more often that I would like, snap at them too quickly. I feel like there is so much to do and not enough time to do it in. I want to sit and play with them, I want to teach them how to be responsible, I want to teach them manners and kindness and morals. I want them to have a happy childhood and to look back at their early years with smiles and remember how much fun mom was even while being firm and teaching them lots of different things. Yet most days I find myself frustrated with them for taking two hours to clean their room and STILL not finishing. I find myself snapping when Brianna knocks over her sippy cup at the table for the 15th time. I find myself feeling relieved and yet guilty when they are finally in bed for the night because that day just didn't go how I would have liked.
If they would just listen better...
If they would just obey better in public....
If they would just be a little bit quicker, quieter, friendlier, nicer, etc. etc. etc.....

And then I find myself embarking upon a week where Audrey turns five years old and my little baby Clara hits four months and I realize it is all slipping through my fingers. Soon they aren't going to want to play with me in their hippo tent. Soon they aren't going to want to go with me to the grocery store. I know that I am no where near them being grown up and I still have many many years but it is just so shocking to me how quickly time passes. While I have a lot of legitimate stresses in my life right now (thank you unemployment), there are a lot of things I could let go. And the girls are not going to be on pause while I stress about other things.

If I can remember that they will only be little for so little it makes me a little more patient. If I can focus on the way Clara smiles when I make silly faces, or the way Brianna shakes her booty to music, or the way Audrey tries so hard to help everyone I'll be just *that* much less likely to snap at them. I'll be *that* much more willing to let the laundry sit while I play Princesses or color pictures. Someday, quite a few years in the future, I am going to have plenty of time to do laundry, clean, wash dishes, cook, scrapbook, blog, etc.... but for now I have three little girls to play dress up with, to braid hair with, to paint toenails with, to color, laugh, giggle, hug, kiss, be with. I am going to try really hard in this new year to remember that each day is something that I can't get back and I am just going to BE.

Well this post got a lot more sentimental then I meant it to so I will sign off with a few recent pictures of my littles :)


Audrey decorating Christmas cookies

Brianna (diva) coloring in fairy wings, because what isn't made better by wearing fairy wings?

Clara talking to the most adorable baby in the mirror, seriously, who is she? :)

All three of my girls in the Christmas PJ's from Grandma Lynnette.... *sigh*
Does it get any better?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

2011

Okay, I know I said no resolutions required for 2011 but I actually do have a few.

1. Keep up with my blog better, it's such a great release and I didn't do so well in 2010, even if no one actually reads it. :)

2. Exercise more... mainly so that I have more energy.

3. Have more patience with my children, especially when I am stressed out.

I think that's plenty, although secretly I am resolution-ing (like that word invention?) to keep up better with my laundry. :)